Rants & Updates!

Last year at around this time, I had made a vision board. I was feeling positive, creative and crafty back then. After exactly one year post that episode, I feel completed broken, negative and creativity has left my body. This entire thing is very suffocating. It is like I want to talk, but there’s no one to talk to. I want to write, but the words from the heart are not getting to the fingers. I want to dance, but I am afraid people will laugh. I want to sing, but I am scared my voice will be heard.

I was a bubbly, introvert – right now I am just an introvert. I was the one who enjoyed her own company, but the girl I am sitting with today hates being alone and hates when she is crowded. I want to be alone, but I am scared that the vacuum will swallow me; I want to walk on the roads, but I am worried what will the people say; I want to go to work, but I don’t want to be judged; I want to sleep till the next sunrise, but I fear the night will wake me up.

I loved writing for my blog. There was a time, I used to not sleep but write for my blog and then go to work and then come home again and write for my blog. This moment of my life wherein I am awake the entire day, but I can’t get myself go to the laptop and write anything. I cry when I am alone and I can’t write that I am crying. I write a 500 words post and then select it all and delete it, because I can’t relate to it.

I am the type of human being who is depending on other people for happiness. I have always been that person. I have given 200% to all my people and I EXPECT a 50% from them. I am not happy when my people are not happy with me. I think if I am not there with my people, they will fall apart. I know I am wrong; no one is so dependent on someone as much as I think they are. But the day I will accept that FACT, I will be happier in life.

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Rants & Updates!

Add yours

  1. I know exactly how you feel. I do the same and right now feel as though I am living through my child or others. Their happiness is my happiness but even then it doesn’t seem to be enough.
    I love people to visit but I want them to leave five minutes later.

    It is difficult but you will get there. I love your blog and have faith in your talent. There are days you don’t want to write and that’s ok. Try your best but know that even if you can’t that doesn’t mean you have failed at all.

    Liked by 1 person

Join The Conversation Buddy!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: