Journal Entry: The Girl who was Fat-Shamed

This is not a post that will teach you something. But this post is an insight to what I am all about. If at all you are not in the mood for Rants and Ramblings, you should read the other posts on my blog or wait until next Friday. But I assure you this rambling is worth your five minutes. Anyway moving ahead with the topic:

Has anyone Fat-Shamed me?

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Of course yes! I am fat and I live in the society with a lot of shameless people. So yes, I have been the victim of fat-shaming.

As a kid – my class mates called me ‘Fat-So’. My parents always referred to me as ‘Healthy’, by healthy they didn’t mean my health was fit, it meant ‘Plumpy’, my cousins suggested my email id should be ‘moti_chatterjee@yahoo.com’ instead of ‘mita_chatterjee@yahoo.com’ and the other people from the society always said the most horrendous thing to me and my mother, “Oh is she your daughter? I thought she was your sister?” Like seriously??? And yes my mother laughed it off! Obviously, who doesn’t like compliments, huh?

As a teenager (still in school), my crushes always made sure I am ‘friend-zoned’ because I was the fat girl friend with the atrocious short hair look, that by default made me a ‘Tom Boy’. I was always teamed-up with the other fat girls in my class by the teacher, who assumed ‘WE’ are best friends. If at all I was ever teamed-up in a non-fat girl’s team in sports, trust me, if I played or no, it was me who was the reason if the team lost. The only role I got as a teenager in the school drama was either the ‘tree’ or the mother of the kids.

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In college, I had a best friend who was the best thing ever, so I started loving my body. But as a grown-up teenager, I heard a lot of boys talking about my breasts and buttocks (not in the nicest way), and trust me no one wants to hear about them at the age of 16. My relatives started giving me tips and tricks to lose weight faster. My mother started cooking meals with less oil. My cousins gave me their dresses that would be too loose for them.

When I grew further, the comments on my breasts and buttocks didn’t go away. I was the ‘Big Ass girl’. Every time any aunty asked me if my periods have started, I had to give them news that it started when I was 10 year old and got a response from them, “Oh obviously! You were always a fat kid…” There were uncountable comparisons between me and my less fat cousin sisters, me and my not fat best friend, me and the actress who lost 50 Kgs to enter movies, me and my mother, me and everyone else!

After all the ignorance I could’ve done, I reached a phase in my life, when I fell in love almost two times with two different men. The first one had a similar weight as mine, maybe a little more – so he gave me a nickname – ‘Bum’ aka ‘The Big Ass Girl’. When things went sour between me and the first guy, came the second guy, who was way too smaller than me in age and size – he gave me two nicknames – ‘Piggy and Motu’. Very convenient, isn’t it?

After the multiple heartbreak and nicknames that stuck to my head, came a phase when the doctor told me, my weight is a problem!!!

This was the time to officially BREAKDOWN!

Have I Fat-Shamed myself?

Always, everyday…

I have always been a weight conscious kid; teenage, adult girl; and not that I don’t love myself. I love myself to the core, but the unknowing shaming done by people since I was a kid, has hampered the way I look at myself. I never heard anyone telling me, how beautiful I am without using the words – healthy, cute like a teddy bear, sexy ass etc. I know Teddy bear sounds good – but just try to think you are calling a fat person a BEAR! How does it feel now?

I always wondered how people told me things about myself that I already knew. I mean, I fail to understand if they think that I didn’t notice my big belly in the morning while wearing my jeans or did I just miss to see how chubby I was when I applied the foundation? GOD! I know it and so do you, I never told someone how bad their English is, and I just mentally correct them, and move on!

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Getting back to the question – Do I Fat-shame myself?

Ummm… it is better to keep the facts in front of people before they make judgments. It is also better to make fun of yourself, rather than being the one to be laughed on when someone else uses you as their joke.

Yes, I fat-shamed myself in public, so that no one else fat shames me.

Yes, I fat-shamed myself in front of my family and relatives; so that I am not the ‘Lab Mouse’ who has to try all the home-remedies given by them.

Yes, I fat-shamed myself in front of friends, so that I am not compared to others.

Yes, I fat-shamed myself on pictures I uploaded on social media, so that no one else writes a mean comment.

Yes, I fat-shamed myself before going on a date with a guy, so that he doesn’t gives me a cute nickname, which would fat-shame me, eventually.

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Do people have the rights to Body-Shame anyone?

No one has the rights to do so. Not even my own blood family. Slim, fat, crooked, obese, and skinny – We’re all beautiful. If someone thinks, someone’s isn’t beautiful; they need to know it is they, themselves who need to change their view on people.

A person is very well aware of their own body-type and in the world of technologies, today, we all can Google about what needs to be done to ‘Change’ our body, if we want to. I might want to be fat and obese forever. No one has to care for me. I give more importance to fries than boiled veggies. If I die of obesity, it is me!

I DO NOT GIVE THE RIGHT TO ANYONE TO COMMENT ON MY BODY.

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Please Stop Fat-Shaming and Body-shaming!!!

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